She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
