I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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