I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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