I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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