i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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