I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think im going to throw up on grandma
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
