when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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