I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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