I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
are you so shy because you have an std?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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