Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
