I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
