ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
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So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
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my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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