ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
