so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
