I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
