They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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