i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
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I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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