My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
