Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
