I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
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Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
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That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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