her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
