ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
