I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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