You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
