This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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