I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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