Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
