Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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