So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
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I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
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Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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