1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
