Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
