considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
