Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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