I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
