I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
