So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
