Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
