He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
