at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
