dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
