Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
