he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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