So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
