Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
