I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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