the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
