I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
