i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize