I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
