She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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