shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
