onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
