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Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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