It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
