in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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