We named our party play list daddy issues
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
