What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
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i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
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my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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