Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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