i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
