we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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