Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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