I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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