He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
