i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
