I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
