shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
