me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize