Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
