Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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