I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
