I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
