Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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