Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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