I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
