the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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