Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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