remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
