So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
