Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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