and she was petting her beer can
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
